I started a book today. Reading it, that is. I didn’t get far. Maybe two chapters, and I don’t really like it. I’m going to keep reading, because I thought the premise was so interesting, but I hope things improve. Here’s the major issue I’m having: over-explaining. For instance, a new character enters and begins talking to the other character, and the conversation is very As-You-Know-Bobish. The dialog is fairly stilted as well and instead of letting me sort through the clues, the writer gives clues, and then explains just in case I missed it. I’m not that stupid.
This is a common problem for newer writers (This is the writers fourth or fifth book, so . . . but I digress). It’s really easy to not trust your readers and yourself. It’s easy to say too much and not trust that your descriptions and your dialog will tell the story. It’s like saying: “Don’t do that!” he shouted. Do we need he shouted? I mean, isn’t it redundant? Or take this from my WIP:
He slipped her arbret sprinkled on a goldfruit, knowing she’d pleasure herself insensible with little help from him. As it was, he chewed malda bark to keep his prick hard and sat her on his lap facing away so that she couldn’t see the agony etching his face as she vigorously rode him. There was no danger—or hope—for pregnancy, the malda bark saw to that.
I’m hoping you figure out by the description that they are about to have sex, that he isn’t all that into it, that he’s sick and doesn’t want her to know, and he doesn’t want to get her pregnant. That, to me, should be fairly obvious. I could add on to it and actually say it again, but really, I only do that on some important enough to merit repetition. Sadly, the book I’m reading has a lot of obvious stuff that is then explained, yanno, just in case. So it’s driving me nuts. And like I said, I picked the book up because I love the premise. I should have downloaded the sample, I guess.