All The Things, Give Or Take

Oh so many things are going on and I’m doing a piss poor job of updating people. So I will give you all that I can remember in a weird stream-of-conscious sort of montage.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD.  Apparently I’ve had it all my life but had no idea. This accounts for much in my life. Apparently many women are undiagnosed. It’s called the lost generation of women and we’ve learned to mask supremely well and being Gen X means that that masking was, um, aided? is that the right word? by the way we were raised/grew up. I’m up for discussing this if anybody wants to chat about it as I’m learning more. Oh, and hormonal shifts make this whole thing worse because they have a powerful effect on how ADHD affects a person.

I think this is a huge reason why writing has been tough over the last few years and why mood meds stop working–at least potentially may explain. I’m going to be starting HRT. I’ve been taking a non-stimulant med for ADHD and it’s been crazy helpful. I’m also trying to reduce or wean off a mood medicine to see what my baseline is.

On top of that, I’ve been having TERRIBLE issues with heat intolerance. Like go outside and can’t breath. I have been struggling to do any sort of exercise and have had a couple of episodes of nearly passing out and getting what seems to be heat exhaustion but isn’t. Spending a lot of time with the doctor, can you tell?

As you might have noticed, I’m re-releasing the Path books, with new covers, some updated editing, and I’m trying to write a dictionary sort of thing for them. I will be putting them into a print version, and oh, yeah, the print versions of the Everyday Disaster books are out. I’m going to be doing print versions of the Mission: Magic books, and I’ll be reissuing the Horngate books, and maybe write a novella for that.

I wrote a story and posted on my Patreon last week. Working on a novel that I need to post on Patreon too. Lots of sexy times though. Stalled out on a romantic suspense. I should say two of them. Both are half done.

I had Covid significantly in March and that may be contributing to my whole unable to breathe thing.

Been trying to paint and doing estate stuff. So fucking tired of estate stuff. Haven’t managed to camp recently, which is a total bummer. I need to get away. Being sick has made playing disc golf hard and I’m a bit of a disc golf junky. I love to play. I’m not great at it, but I am improving. My favorite disk is a Latitude Opto Ice Diamond Disk. It’s lightweight and flies well for me.

Politics has me freaked the fuck out. It should come as no surprise that I despise Trump, I hate Project 2025, and I’m terrified if those people take power. All the rights they are taking away and trying to…and the Supreme Court is so fucking corrupt. So much depends on people doing the right thing but all kinds of people in power have decided they don’t need to and they’ll just break laws and there’s no real expectation that there will be consequences.

I’ve been doing some knitting. Making progress on a sweater. I’ve never made one before because I’m kind of terrified of trying to do a garment and make it fit. So far so good though. Some mistakes and they are obvious, but don’t care. It’s handmade. It’s mine to wear and it will be lovely. I so decree.

I haven’t been doing as much painting as I’d like. I have issues, you see. They stem from ADHD (as it turns out) and also from growing up the way I did. I feel lazy if I’m doing things that aren’t what I “should” be doing and so painting is not allowed. Same for knitting, but on top of that, there’s a perfectionism element (never thought of myself as being a perfectionist) bound up with a really strong sense of responsibility. So when it comes to the painting, it’s not perfect, it feels like it should be, I kick myself for not doing a better job, and then I call myself lazy when I want to do it, or when it’s not perfect enough because I should have done it better.

Being in my head sometimes sucks.

Saw a bumper sticker today. It said “Stay Feral). I really love it. Except the font made it look like “Stay Fecal,” which was unfortunate.  I think I’m going to have to get some stickers made up though with fun and obnoxious sayings that I can hand out.

I have got new tattoos over the last few months. One is a jackrabbit surrounded by blackberry vines. One is a recoloring of a crow I have that was fading. And one says “Comparison is the Enemy of Joy” surrounded by blackberry vines. Not sure what will come next.

Dogs are doing well. Except I think they need their teeth cleaned. I’m hesitant, though, because of the risks. Took them to a creek recently and played in the water and had a good time. I need to take them to the ocean again. I need to be near water more. I want to swim more. Not that I’m in any condition to do so (see the health shit above). Maybe kayak or paddleboard. Costco has some good ones for sale. I want to be able to take the doggies (one or two) on board, and these are inflatable, so not sure I should risk the dogs on them. I miss water though. Flat water, mostly.

All right. Better post this and get to work on some words. Or paint maybe. I finished a horse not too long ago (actually like maybe 2 months ago) that was really good. A lot of detail and a lot of work. It was my therapy when I couldn’t get my brain to function.

XOXO

Di