Archive for the 'my life' Category
Thursday, December 5th, 2019
I was talking with a friend today about the concept of brain fatigue. This is when your brain slows down, becomes uncreative, thinking is labor intensive and so very difficult, and you’re walking around in a fog and you’re forgetful. What causes it? Too many demands. Too many people you’re emotionally or physically supporting. Too many worries about paying bills, about children or parents or pets or the broken-down car, too many fears, too many jobs to do, too much to think about, too many balls in the air. Just too damned much.
It’s like the well is getting sucked dry and you’ve got nothing left, but the pump is still pumping, taking every last bit of you and leaving a wreck behind.
It’s kind of like depression, except for the fact that you feel relatively functional, even though you know you have so. much. to. do. and it’s never going to get done. Even though you’re running like hell and getting nowhere. But you’re not thinking about suicide, and you’re only wishing you were in bed with the covers over your head. So you’re not that bad.
You just aren’t good.
It’s a sucky way to live.
We didn’t come up with any good way to combat it. Except maybe getting together with friends, trying to find laughter, and plowing through like you’re fine, as you always do. Not happy, but still upright and breathing.
I’ve had brain fatigue for years now. How about you?
Saturday, August 31st, 2019
Hello everyone! I’m sorry I’ve been off the radar. I’ve been getting my son ready for college, running around with my daughter for band, dealing with a very sick dog, going to the emergency room with my son who dislocated his knee, minor car accidents, and various other things. So I’ve done a piss poor job of visiting here. I’m going to try to be much better.
I’ve become a fan of Midsomer Murders. I enjoy the mysteries quite a bit and the characters. I also want to go bike riding in some English villages. Though I suspect there will be many places where I’d bap my head on the doorways and other low ceiling type of areas.
But I’m posting because I’ve had a number of questions about DCM5. Yes there is a fifth book! And I’m writing it now. It’s come along a little bit slowly because while I know what needs to happen, I’ve had trouble braiding the strands together. It’s become complicated and I’m working on sorting out the best way to tell the story. That means a few false starts and a number of backtrackings to throw out a bunch of stuff and rewrite. Plus the plans I had all along for one plot thread have become a problem for the turns I’ve taken and so now I have to come up with a better explanation for that.
But it’s definitely in process and I hope to start sharing some snippets very soon.
Monday, July 8th, 2019
This Saturday, July 13, is Readers and Writers Seattle, 2019. I will be there along with many other writers, selling books and giving away swag, and chatting and hanging out.
If you can make it, do! I’d love to see you. Here’s a link to the Facebook Page.
In other news, I’m still alive. I know, I’ve been really quiet here lately. Life has been overtaking me. But we have my son registered for college in the fall, we’ve been working with Merlin to get him past biting, though the fireworks really upset him and he bites when he’s scared. And vomits. A lot. Ten times on the third. On the fourth we tried to drug him up with an anti-anxiety medication. It took the edge off for him, but wasn’t super great. The next day we got a sedative from the vet, but it was like Merlin ate Crack. The dog was lively. Sigh.
I was almost done with The Elf Job when I realized it had jumped the shark and I have to scrap and rewrite the last third or so. I hate it when that happens, but at least I discovered it before I published it. I just have to keep reminding myself that that’s a good thing.
I’m also working Diamond City 5. Plan to turn that in to my editor in September. I just have to get on top of the writing. Seems like every time I turn around I’ve got life stuff to deal with . I kind of want to go be a hermit for a month or so and get some work done.
I hope all is well with you. I’ll report in again soon.
This is a picture of some roses from my yard. I have a lot of rose bushes and this year I’m finally getting enough that I can have fresh roses in the house at all times. I’m delighted with this. Aren’t they pretty? And they smell diving.
Monday, June 24th, 2019
I have journeyed far and wide, searched through stores and catalogs and even kickstarter, searching for the perfect pillow. My demands are not too grand or onerous, I think. I believe myself to be perfectly reasonable, searching for a pillow that allows me to sleep and wake again refreshed, without a sore neck, shoulders, or spine. Alas I have come so close, even believing I have discovered The One, and then to find in a week or a month, that the pillow was leading me on, pretending to be perfect, mayhap hiding its extra fluff, sucking it in until it could no longer manage and then bursting into a giant puff all. Or supporting my neck and head at just the right angle, holding its breath until it could no longer and then slowly deflating into a torpid puddle. There has been down, chunked up memory foam, spaghetti memory foam, gel, fiberfill. There has been gussets and no gussets, King size and standard size. Strange bumps and shapes and traditional rectangles. Firm and soft and medium and medium firm and medium soft.
And yet, my neck and shoulders and spine continue to ache.
Woe unto me. Woe. Where is The One? The pillow destined to make me the happiest of women? What will I have to sacrifice to obtain it? First born? My soul? Where is my fairy godmother to deliver me into sleeping bliss?
Monday, June 10th, 2019
Once again, I have lost. Was walking the dogs today in a lovely big park with tons of oak trees, a creek, lots of meadows and tall grasses, and squirrels. Lots of squirrels. The dogs find these highly entertaining and try to yank my arms out of their sockets as often as possible. However, the dogs had little to do with today’s events.
We were walking along a little stretch where there are lots of squirrels and the dogs were running back and forth to eagerly look at them. I was walking along, entertained by the puppies, when I stepped in a squirrel hole. These little guys excavate like crazy and while they do run up and down trees, the live in holes.
The hole I stepped in was really a divot because it had been filled in mostly, which actually made it all the more embarrassing when I fell. Like a freaking tree. I sat myself up and discovered that my left knee was all scraped up and painful. I managed to get up and get dusted off, and limp off into the sunset, so to speak. When I got home, I found I had the beginning of a really impressive bruise on the inside of my left wrist and heel of my palm. It’s growing bigger and more impressive every moment.
And lo, once again, Di lost in the game of Di versus . . . Whatever.
I want to mention that I do have a new book out, called The Witchkin Murders and it’s a fantasy police procedural with some romance. If you’d like to read a couple of chapters for free, click here.
Also, today is my 29th wedding anniversary. My son graduated High School last week. So happy things!
Sunday, May 12th, 2019
Today brings you three Di versus events, all of which, Di lost. Okay, the blackberries were a bit of a draw.
In a case of Di v. the dog harness:
Merlin rolled over on my foot while I was scratching his tummy, and he scraped a plastic buckle over the top of my surgical toe scar from November. It, uh, hurt. You know that paralyzing hurt where you can’t swear or do anything but hope it goes away before you pass out? Like that. Nerve pain sucks.
The weird part is that it sent a reaction through the rest of me and now I’m still shaking (literally) a bit, and my head is throbbing. The foot pain has calmed, but walking isn’t a real treat and I’m guessing shoes aren’t my friend right now.
Also, it hurts just to touch it, and yeah, I know, so don’t touch it, idiot. But even something brushing up lightly against it like cloth is fiery.
In the case of Di v. the blackberries and roses:
We have a serious blackberry incursion in the back yard. It came from beneath the fence and then proliferated during the winter. Today I went out to attack it. It covered about twelve feet of fence out to about five feet or so and tangled up in the rosemary, the roses growing there, and has totally smothered the little bed that I can’t hardly remember even existing.
I bravely went out and started snipping and pulling. I wore long pants and leather gloves. I didn’t wear a long sleeve shirt because it was hot and it doesn’t usually help me that much. I chopped and hacked back the rose (which needed pruning in a serious way and then sprayed with neem oil for fungus. I hadn’t pruned it in a really long time.
By the time I was done, we’d filled the green waste can. There’s still a few feet to go and I’m almost to uncovering the smothered bed. I lost a fair bit of blood and am scraped up a bit, but I count it as a good thing. Next thing I need to do is go spray a lot of vinegar on the weeds I can’t seem to pull up. A lot of it is grass, but a lot is just weeds. After that, there will be mulch I think.
In the case of Di v. Merlin and the computer cord:
Merlin got himself wrapped in my laptop cord and yanked it out of my computer. I went to disentangle him and he bit me. Blood and bruising. It was a pinchy sort of bite, so not terribly serious, but painful and annoying.
We’ve an appointment in June with a Veterinarian behaviorist, so I’m really hoping that we start getting this under control.
In other news, I was able to pick roses off six of my bushes and now I have a bunch of roses in the house on my table. I want to grow more flowers that I can bring in the house. I have a bunch of irises blooming, too, and some peonies about to pop. The lilies are coming up and my rhodies are blooming and the dogwood is busting out, too.
We also got fencing to put around the garden to keep the puppies out and hopefully will be putting that up soon. And to keep them out of the blueberries.
I hope you all have a terrific week.
Friday, March 22nd, 2019
Usually this time of year I’m ready to dig into the garden and grow things. This year . . . not so much. Part of that is because I can’t do any garden things until we put up a dog fence around the garden beds. We also have a lot of cleanup and repair to do on various things in the yard. Even so, I usually can’t wait to get going. This year is weird.
It may be because of the funk I’ve been in. It’s been long and difficult. It may also be because I’ve got to get a lot of work done and decluttering and spring cleaning and little house projects I’ve needed to do and really make me feel itchy. So gardening seems to be a little bit on the back burner.
Speaking of itchy, I’ve been having some sort of skin rash for about five weeks now. It’s freaking itchy and I’m guessing it hives. Trouble is, allergy medicine doesn’t do much. I’ve got some topical cream from the doc, but it’s not doing that much either. It’s driving me freaking nuts. I’ve got to go to the doc again and see if there’s more to be done.
We’ve been walking the dogs a lot and that’s been fun. The weather’s been nice and everything’s starting to bloom. The air smells divine. Merlin likes to crash into me when he comes running back with the ball we throw, which is giving me bruises on my legs.
Planning on going to Miscon this year. Looking forward to it. I should have book coming out in April, but more on that later. And I’m working on wrapping up the second Mission: Magic series.
And now, back to work!
Wednesday, March 13th, 2019
The battle to a) not get bitten by Merlin, b)teach him not to bite, c) keep him supremely occupied and entertained, is ongoing. He’s doing better in a lot of ways. We’re also giving him a calming treat with some CBD in it designed for dogs. That helps him with anxiety, which I think he has a little bit of. He seems to bite/snap when he’s relaxing and we start petting him. It’s odd. Yesterday he came and snuggled onto my lap and I went to pet his head and he snapped. He didn’t really get me (I’m learning to move quick) but it’s not just me, is it? That’s weird?
We’re still considering taking him to a veterinarian behaviorist. But first I have to get copy edits in on The WitchKin Murders and I have to get my taxes together and off to the accountant.
We’ve been taking the dogs out every day for their walk and then to throw the ball for Merlin who loves to chase it, even when he’s dead tired. It’s hard to find places where we can take him off leash, though. And we’ve discovered if one of us throws the ball and the other takes the other dogs off walking, he comes looking for the walkers. He gets really worried as soon as he can’t see the walkers. So we do the walk first and then the older dog rests and the younger corgi plays and sniffs while Merlin runs after the ball. I’ve also been making fleece tug toys that both puppies love. It’s a whole lot cheaper than buying them.
After three and a half weeks, I still have itchy hives and allergy medicine isn’t helping. Hoping to talk to the doctor today. She’s been out of the office the last few days.
I’ll post a snippet of The Witchkin Murders soon, so look for it!
Friday, January 11th, 2019
Did you ever hear that phrase? I heard it fairly frequently as a kid and not so much lately. I happened to read it today and got to thinking about how bigoted that phrase is. The phrase is always pejorative: Keep your cotton picking hands to yourself. Get your cotton picking hands off that.
Off the top, it clearly refers to those who picked cotton by hand, and specifically that would be African Americans. So it’s an incredibly racist statement. Keep your black hands off whatever or to yourself. Don’t use our bathrooms either. Or our drinking fountains. It’s truly foul and I’m really glad it’s fallen out of common usage. But isn’t it amazing how just looking at it without context there’s nothing particularly offensive about it. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be black and hear a phrase like that. I mean, I hear any kind of “like a girl” phrase and I get a little homicidal. Because there are no does things like a girl phrase that are complimentary to girls.
I’m trying to think of other phrases like Cotton Picking that I’ve heard that are racist and I didn’t realize. Anybody want to enlighten me?
Monday, November 19th, 2018
Actually they didn’t so much ruin the movie, because that would suggest it was good enough to ruin, so much as they built it upon a super crappy premise. The movie is a 2015 movie called Vice, starring Bruce Willis and Thomas Jayne. It’s got a West World vibe going on, with a sort of city-playground populated with “residents” who are cyborgs. These cyborgs are made of mostly human parts, but are fairly disposable and essentially props in the playing out of vices of whoever pays to play in this city-playground. At the end of the play-time, the cyborg’s memories are erased (ish) and the borg is reset with its base personality programming. So he or she repeats the same day–in the case of the focal cyborg, she is on her last night bartending before she moves on to another job.
Now when you think of the array of potential vices–fantasies people can live without repercussion, which do you think of? I can thing of a range of sexual fantasies people could play out, from orgies to swinging to just a super romantic encounter. I can see experiences like rescuing people or gambling with unreal money and winning all the time and living the luxurious life. I can see getting to boss people around on a job for once. I can see someone cutting lose in a variety of ways. Adultery, drugs, gluttony . . . I mean, there are so many possibilities.
But that’s not what happens in this vice-playground. It seems that it’s a playground where men beat/rape/kill women. That seems to be the predominant theme. IN fact one woman (our focal bartender), has been killed and tortured so much that she’s started having flashbacks. They are unable to fully erase the memories.
Why is killing, raping, and torture a vice? I guess I can see doing sword fighting in medieval style or in gamer style. Or swashbuckling maybe. But this? And it seems to be completely directed against women. They are dolls whose total purpose is to be victims of male violence.
What the fuck? I mean, really? Why would they make this movie? Don’t answer. Or rather, I already know. That’s typical of how our culture views women. Disposable. Objects.
So anyhow, I have no idea what happened beyond the point where I realized just what the movie was about. I couldn’t even watch for the sake of commentary without wanting to vomit.
Have you encountered these movies lately? This one was made in 2015. Shouldn’t film makers start getting a clue? Getting into this century? Hell, getting out of their misogyny?